Why?

This is something i wrote a few months ago during my devotional time. I have a habit of arguing with myself so i can see both sides of something. I like being able to see things from another persons view. This is a good example of what goes on inside my head:

Sunday Oct. 10 2010

I had a thought the other night. It was that I don't like being God's pawn.
The idea that God was using me to accomplish his plan bothered me. I thought it wasn't fair that whatever we did had no effect on God's plan because he already knew what we would do and has already taken that into account. What happened to "free will"? I don't like feeling like a slave or prisoner. We were created to serve. Everyone has a god and that god they must serve. Why? Why must we always serve? Why can't we just be, without serving anything? Because if we had nothing to serve there would be no point to our existence.

I was made to serve, to be a slave to my heart. For whatever it chooses to serve that thing will become my master. Why is God willing to be a master to something so broken? Why am i so loved? My mind can get filled with everything but God. I hide him in the closet of my heart under books titled: Work, Fun, Family, Church, Dreams, and Busy. There he sits covered in the dust that is my thoughts. It's hard to see him beneath it all. He looks up at me with tear filled eyes and whispers "I would die for you again if that is what it took for you to see me and know me again." His words disturb the dust, and when it settles i see his hand, a hole in it's palm, stretched towards me. I take a step back and the door closes. "This really needs to be taken care of." I say as i walk down the hall. Then i hear his voice from under the door saying "i love you." That is all.

I choose to be a slave Christ because he is the only perfect master.

Romans 6:12-23

¹² Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. ¹³ Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. ¹⁴ Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.

¹⁵ Well then, since God’s grace has set us free from the law, does that mean we can go on sinning? Of course not! ¹⁶ Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. ¹⁷ Thank God! Once you were slaves of sin, but now you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you. ¹⁸ Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living.

¹⁹ Because of the weakness of your human nature, I am using the illustration of slavery to help you understand all this. Previously, you let yourselves be slaves to impurity and lawlessness, which led ever deeper into sin. Now you must give yourselves to be slaves to righteous living so that you will become holy.

²⁰ When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the obligation to do right. ²¹ And what was the result? You are now ashamed of the things you used to do, things that end in eternal doom. ²² But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord

God of Wonders

O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!

Your glory is higher than the heavens. You have taught children and infants to tell of your strength, silencing your enemies and all who oppose you.

When I look into the night sky and see the work of your fingers- the moon and stars you set in place- what are mere mortals that you should think of them, human beings that you should care for them?

Yet you make them only a little lower than God, and crown them with glory and honor. You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority- the flocks and herds and all the wild animals, the birds of the air and fish of the sea, and everything that swims in the ocean currents.

O Lord, our Lord, your majestic name fills the earth!

-psalms 8

Flame: tonight

I once met this dude..

So a couple days ago i met a new Christian. By that i mean he has only been a Christian for about two years. When he started telling me about how much passion God had put in his heart for this generation and how much he wanted to save the lost, it stared stirring me up, getting me more and more excited to go out and conquer the world with grace and love. Being around "new believers" actually lends strength to those who have known Christ for a long time. Seeing the fresh joy that comes with being born again refreshes the joy and efforts of others.
One of my favorite quotes is by A. W. Tozer. He said "What comes to minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. Worship is pure or base as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts of God. For this reason the gravest question before the church today is God himself. And the most portentous fact about any man is not what he may at a given time, may say or do, but what he in his deepest heart conceives about God."
What we believe about God is what matters most in our lives. If we believe God poured out his life because he loved us then we will turn around and pour out that same love on others. the other important thing is grace. I'm still just beginning to grasp it, and i'll never fully understand. We would be fools to think we can limit God to something we are capable of comprehending. He is so vast that i feel tiny thinking about one part of who he is.

He almost seems mad at times. To think that he would give up his son because he LOVED us? Why us? God does not need us, but desperately loves us. We desperately need God, but do not always want him. He cannot wait for the day we join him forever. And we wonder how much we need to do for him to get by.
He is an amazing, grace giving, powerful, unfathomable, God who loves us more that everything and everyone put together. I can never understand him, or love him as much as he loves me, so all i can do is pour out my life as one long and loud song of worship for the whole world to hear.
We must also have faith, or we will never see what God has for us through all of the suffering and hurt in the fallen world around us. We can make a difference. I heard a man say once that he asked God "God, why don't you do something about all this suffering in the world?" and God said "I did, i made you". We are Gods hands and feet, and just so long as we do all for his glory, keeping our eyes on him, he can help us reach those around us, and those all around the world, to tell them of his grace. We worship a God that we cannot exaggerate. We have a joy set before us to fight the good fight and we have the strength, in God, to succeed. My dad said once "The world tells us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, but the gospel says, you don't have any bootstraps!" God is the only one who can give us the strength to do his will. Opportunities multiply as they are seized. So do whatever God puts in your heart to do, rely on him, and teach others to do the same, and perhaps we'll get a little bit of heaven on earth.

Who Shall Save Us From Ourselves?

As i contemplate the seasons
i see suffering without end
the tides rage for no reason

wisdom passes to daughter and son
On each other they must depend
to survive the brutal seasons

Vows are broken, families undone
we have no life left to spend
to live there is no reason

We have nothing left to rely on
there is no one left to send
to save us from this season

at my life's rope is aimed a gun
my death sentence has been penned
Why? There is no reason

The war is over. No one has won
There is no one left to mend
the ruin of this season
for which there was no reason

the Shadow and the Secret

There is a Shadow

Who has a Secret

that he fights to stifle

but he cannot

for it is too bright

The essence of beauty

he fears the beauty

for there is none in the Shadow

he is blinded by the brightness

of the immortal Secret

blot it out, he cannot

An eternal scream he stifles

if it cannot be stifled

it will bring earth beauty

Stop It's progress, he cannot

on earth he is but a Shadow

who shall vanish in the light of the Secret

maimed by it's brightness

The Secret will shine, bright!

And night shall be stifled

No more shall He be a Secret

but the honored Lord of beauty

He shall defeat the shadow

for withstand him it cannot

Leave us to ourselves, he couldn't

So he showered them with his brightness

but they put walls of Shadow

His voice in their hearts, they stifled

They turned to things of fake beauty

and in their minds he became a Secret

Oh! How he hated being a Secret

but make them love him, he could not

He gave them the choice, to seek his beauty

or shield their heart from his brightness

As fools they chose, and beauty they stifled

Sneaking back to the crippled shadow

How the Shadow gloated over the Secret!

But conquer him he could not

He stole the prisoners keys

resurrecting beauty.

The Voice of the Pages

Hushed words make loud songs.
A single sentence yet
tears fall
wonderful
magical

Voiceless pages shout a war cry
And rush into a battle
smothering
smoke
screams

They can dance to a tune
in perfect step
whirling
swaying
touching

They hide in closets
and hear all that is said
whispering
sneaking
spying

Read from left to right
chant, duel, run, fly
i wish
i may
i wish
i might

'lil ol' Cricket bug

My Sister

In the hollows, by the creek

she sits and listens to the wild woods

They tell her what she needs to hear,

bringing joy, calming fear

In this place, she will delay

giving heed to all they say

Her heart is wise and mellow

as she beholds the wind blow

it sweeps through her hair

and stills every care.

When she returns and speaks to me

her words are filled with felicity

Her joy is abundant in the room

weaving ecstasy at her loom

And then she leaves, taking her work

to give it all away

then to the hollows she returns

to learn what she may.

The Abortion

Living is my goal

Floating in a dark sea

Who am i? No one knows

Thus far i'm only me.

I have a purpose

So i wait

I feel movement

i anticipate

What will it be like?

I wonder

will it be as safe?

i stretch my legs as i think

i will be sad to leave this place

i hope i will be loved

i wonder what dreams i will chase

But my thought are interrupted

by something i've never felt

it is a pain i feel. My life is being corrupted

I let out one last screaming thought

"I am not even wanted"

Living was my goal

floating through a dark land

Who was i? No one will know

before i was born i was damned